Flame to dust, Lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end..
Name: K3nichi N
Hard to grow up,a boy lives in Beijing, China.
today
January 2008
December 2007
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December 2006
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visited *loading* times
我还是一如既往的，不乐意去睡觉，尽管我已经很困了。
这种感觉很像是强迫症，就好像非要憋着大便，或者吞吃难吃的食物。
到达极限之前，我去了聊天室，一个42岁的美籍华人David从LA打个电话来只是想做一个PhoneSex。
我果然是LY口水的闷骚货色，半推半就的配合了下。
David 口水念叨着，宝贝儿宝贝儿，我要你。
一阵大声的呻吟从“卫星电话”里传了过来，真切的还真像是隔壁邻居打过来的呢。
（这通电话因为有杂音而拨了几遍，我打趣说估计是太远了。David兄说他那是卫星电话，跟我的邻居打过来一样。）
我也真是无聊的紧了吧，大半夜这样的电话，让我自己也觉得怪异。
不过，David那边，地球的另一面，真是下午呢。
之后.
我又跑到长春的一个同志论坛，里面很多网友贴的照片。
人们真是五光十色，有的真的很难看，有的倒也是蛮标致。他们的脸孔也有一些相似之处，一些地域特色。
我想也许我的脸上也有这样的相似之处。
看着倒是十分乐和，没想到长春竟是个藏龙卧虎的地方，和我先前想的完全不一样。
后来，我就没有那么不开心了。
总会好起来的。就像我总跟别人讲的那样。
Hey!
Whats wrong with Ur life?
Being traped...
Where is the exit?
I am really an asshole...
Its was cloudy yst, i guess, there must be too much dust pretended the sun from the earth.
Or, only this small town.
Noisy as usual, buildings under instruction, huge heavy machines working day and night.
There r not too much people in this town which a high way pass by.
Its cold here.
I feel that i was parted from the world, so far away with the life that i had imagined.
Last night, I dreamed of my aunt and consins, they were far away too.
I miss people, all my friends, just like that i can not see them anymore.
I am afraid to sleep.
so, weird.
I am sick,
again.
There are 4 trains can take me to Hangzhou from Beijing, at least 13hours and a half and ￥171.
Its seems that I am about to escaping from this damn city.
Recently, I quarrel with my younger sister too much. This makes me feel guilty.
My freinds said that I shouldnt live with my sister any longer, she and I have each ones own life.
I can not be her babycare forever, maybe its the time to leave her, let her take care of herself.
And, to give myself some more space.
I moved to the suburb, edge of Beijing.
Always feel hungry, I think i eat alot since I moved here.
Its a little country, nosiy, dusty, lots of buildings under instrunction, lots of heavy trucks which are full of stuffs passing by the capital, day and night.
its about 3 months since I quited my last job, now, I get frusted, up and down.
There is none inch in my heart feels peaceful.
Sometimes, even myself, wonder that if i am really useless.
Helpless...
I just dont know, what i can do.
Hopeless, so I turned to a freind who i have never seen.
I need some comfort, some trust, I am Hungry for it badly, but, when the telephon got through, I just could not texplain to him what had happened to me.
Pale smiles, i dont even know that i can still simle.
He used to be my soul love, when i was young, in the collage.
He asked me to go there, the city where he is.
Go or not, I dont know.
